When someone sees a burn victim, their first feeling is shock, an instant uncomfortable sentiment and maybe a bit of curiosity. How did they get this way? Am I looking too much? Am I making them uncomfortable? Some others may even be disgusted at what they see, as the remains of someone’s face is now deformed, partially missing and scarred. It’s an awkward situation that is rare, but happens sometimes as society thrives on what is “normal” and then encounter something out of the ordinary. But really, what’s the correct social procedure with that? If you don’t follow it, will this person be taken aback or should we just assume that they “have to be used to it by now”?
I knew someone was coming in to our office today to work on our phone lines and I honestly didn’t give it a second thought. Sure, I was a bit late strolling in at 10am but was in an average mood if not only a bit overtired. So I sure don’t know why this man’s presence managed to completely shatter my emotional state. He’s been in the office before and I’ve even written about him on here before, but for some reason today I couldn’t properly process my emotions and was overwhelmed by so many different feelings at once that I couldn’t stop shaking or hold the tears back.
-Sadness for what had happened to him.
- Proud of his strength, confidence and drive to live his life.
- Mad at the fact that my dad had not survived.
- Happy that my dad would not have to live like that.
- Heartbroken that my dad would never have the chance to still show what an incredible person he was, with a personality and humor that would have far outshined any physical appearance.
- Curious as to what had happened to this man.
- Stupidity for falling apart even 10 years later.
- Ashamed for the reaction I knew was on my face when I first saw him. Knowing that it probably came off like what he’s used to, but it being nothing like that.
- Nervous from the need to want to talk to him.
-Angry at every single person that has treated him differently because of it.
- Alone because no one at the office even had a second thought about it.
- Completely overwhelmed with every single one of these hitting all at once.
I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this anymore, but I know that it’s nice to get it written out and out of my head. It took everything in me to calm myself down this morning and then even a bit more to stop my hands from shaking. Which then lasted until I ended up at the wrong concert venue after work and apparently that was my emotional stability’s last straw. But really, who hasn’t bawled their eyes out in an empty parkade? Anyways, I think I need to sleep now and re-evaluate how maladjusted I am. Maybe the trauma of watching my dad die in front of me with 90% of his body covered in 2nd-3rd degree burns when I was 13… could have warranted some therapy? Possibly. For now I’ll just be overdramatic, spend my Friday quarantined away from normal people and try to turn my brain off for once.